Wallabies put England's season out of its misery
Australia gave England nightmares to last the whole of the European close-season by punctuated the tourists' year with a crushing 43-18 defeat at the Telstra Dome in Melbourne on Saturday.
The result wraps up a very one-sided two-Test series and sees the Wallabies reclaim the Cook Cup after its short stay in Twickenham.
England have suffered a poor run of form since they crowned their annus mirabilis by clinching the Rugby World Cup in 2003.
But despite the heavy losses and surprise results that have peppered the last two years, they are now at their lowest ebb since 1984 -- that was the last time England suffered five successive Test matches losses. Big Ben is striking thirteen.
It was another chastening experience for England coach Andy Robinson, who has lost 10 of his 18 Tests in charge since replacing Sir Clive Woodward.
The Wallabies followed up last weekend's 34-3 stroll in Sydney by putting England out of sight before half-time through tries from George Smith, Mark Gerrard and Lote Tuqiri.
And when both England props Graham Rowntree and Julian White departed at the break through injuries, the tourists' misery was complete, engaging in uncontested scrums with Wasps flank Joe Worsley packing down in the front-row alongside Tim Payne and George Chuter.
Australia flank Mark Chisholm claimed a fourth Wallabies touchdown before Gerrard crossed again and fly-half Stephen Larkham completed the rout, with skipper Stirling Mortlock booting five conversions and a penalty.
England mustered a consolation tries by Chuter and wing Tom Varndell, plus a penalty and drop-goal from fly-half Andy Goode.
England, without a win since mid-February, are next in action against red-hot World Cup favourites New Zealand on November 5, and the All Blacks are likely to run them ragged, so low are English confidence levels, a sorry situation illustrated by Varndell's nightmare experience in attack and defence.
England have players such as Martin Corry, Charlie Hodgson, Josh Lewsey, Mark Cueto and Steve Thompson to return, but it seems England's ambition to be the first country to defend the Webb Ellis trophy are now resembles a large pie in the sky.
England suffered a late injury blow when Leicester Tigers flank Lewis Moody withdrew at the eleventh hour after having failed to recover from a calf muscle strain.
Robinson opted to look beyond the bench-warming Magnus Lund and drafted in London-born former Australia U21 international Michael Lipman for his first Test start.
Despite the setback, and as in Sydney, England began brightly and monopolised early possession.
It brought a reward when Goode slotted a fourth-minute drop-goal, but the lead lasted barely 100 seconds as Australia scored from their first attack.
Larkham's kick into space caused little initial danger, but it bounced off Goode and Smith hacked clear, capitalising on another kind bounce -- this time off Varndell -- for a clear run to the posts.
England did not lack ambition, yet their basic skills were sub-standard, and Australia gained an attacking five-metre scrum as fullback Iain Balshaw was forced over his own line.
Australia's attacking aggression reaped its reward when, from the ensuing scrum, Larkham's high kick to the corner saw Gerrard clutch possession ahead of a challenging Mathew Tait to touch down.
England, with their forwards battling hard, still enjoyed plenty of possession, but they could make little headway opposite a physical Wallabies back division.
Tuqiri, especially, enjoyed the close-quarter combat, dumping Varndell with relish, yet England cut the deficit to six points when Goode landed a 40-metre penalty after Wallabies lock Nathan Sharpe infringed at a line-out.
Australia lost prop Rodney Blake to injury in the 27th minutes, and he was replaced by Al Baxter, whose first contribution was to concede a penalty that Goode booted into touch just outside Australia's 22.
England could not maintain territory though, and a raking Chris Latham clearance sent the visitors back-pedalling 50 metres.
Both sides continued to make errors, but England almost worked Varndell away, only to be denied by a superb Latham tackle.
Australia then lost No.8 Rocky Elsom through injury, handing New South Wales Waratahs flanker Wycliff Palu a Test debut.
But Australia struck a killer blow on the stroke of half-time when Latham smashed through four attempted tackles in midfield, brushing aside Worsley, Rowntree, Chuter and Lipman before delivering a superb inside pass that enabled Tuqiri to crash over.
Mortlock converted, and England trooped off at the break 19-6 adrift, facing little more than another demoralising damage-limitation exercise.
Uncontested scrums made for a totally unsatisfactory situation, and England conceded a fourth try on 45 minutes when Chisholm was sent through a huge defensive hole.
Mortlock slotted the conversion, putting England 20 points behind, although Chuter at least gave visiting supporters something to cheer as he sprinted over for his team's first try on tour.
The Leicester hooker's score in his first Test start gave England a glimmer of hope, although Australia looked to maintain a high tempo by spreading possession wide at every opportunity.
Indeed, Australia had the remainder of the game under control and kept their guests under the kosh, a dominance that was only broken by Varndell's try in the last move of the game.
As if the joy of crushing the English was not enough for the crowd of 56,000, Australia coach John Connolly ordered George Gregan into action in the 56th minute as a replacement for Sam Cordingley.
The Wallaby skipper duly collected his 120th Test cap to eclipse the mark of 119 set by England and Lions prop Jason Leonard. England's nightmare was complete.
Man of the match: Iain Balshaw and Peter Richards had some good moments, but this award is going nowhere near the England camp. There were good performance from all the gold-jerseyed brigade with the likes of Lote Tuqiri and Stirling Mortlock to the fore. Stephen Larkham conducted affairs superbly but it is the consistently outstanding Chris Latham who gets the gong. He looked like an over-enthusiastic dad taking on his young son's touch-rugby team.
Moment of the match: Latham's break that lead to Tuqiri's try was a moment that exemplified Australia's dominance over the English -- strong running and intelligent support from the locals, four miss-tackles and confusion from the tourists. But how can we overlook the moment that George Gregan joined the fray to win his 120th Test cap and become the most capped player of all time -- a moment that ensured that England's misery was extended to a former member of the red rose club, Jason Leonard. But the "Fun Bus" will be the first man to buy the Wallaby talisman a well-deserved beer. On a more comical note (and England fans might need a moment of levity), many have long suspected referee Steve Walsh of being a frustrated player and he added kindling to the fire by collecting a reverse pass from England fly-half Andy Goode before realising he was wearing neither white nor gold.
Villain of the match: England (and Tom Varndell in particular) are lucky on this score -- we're leaving villainous lack of basic skills out of the equation. The pace of the game was not conducive to fisty-cuffs, but there was a few arms swung towards the end of the game. We drag Pat Sanderson and Lote Tuqiri from that minor skirmish and award them the honours, the Englishman for pulling the Australian's hair, and the Australian for reacting like a bit of a schoolgirl. And we thought rugby had reached its nadir with the "handbags at dawn" episode ...
The scorers:
For Australia
Tries: Gerrard 2, Tuqiri, Chisholm, Smith, Larkham
Cons: Mortlock 5
Pen: Mortlock
For England:
Tries: Chuter, Varndell
Con: Goode
Pen: Goode
Drop: Goode
The teams:
Australia: 15 Chris Latham, 14 Mark Gerrard, 13 Stirling Mortlock (captain), 12 Mat Rogers, 11 Lote Tuqiri, 10 Stephen Larkham, 9 Sam Cordingley, 8 Rocky Elsom, 7 George Smith, 6 Mark Chisholm, 5 Dan Vickerman, 4 Nathan Sharpe, 3 Rodney Blake, 2 Adam Freier, 1 Greg Holmes.
Replacements: 16 Jeremy Paul, 17 Al Baxter, 18 Wycliff Palu, 19 Phil Waugh, 20 George Gregan, 21 Clyde Rathbone, 22 Cameron Shepherd.
England: 15 Iain Balshaw, 14 Tom Varndell, 13 Jamie Noon, 12 Mike Catt, 11 Mathew Tait, 10 Andy Goode, 9 Peter Richards, 8 Pat Sanderson (captain), 7 Michael Lipman, 6 Joe Worsley, 5 Ben Kay, 4 Chris Jones, 3 Julian White, 2 George Chuter, 1 Graham Rowntree.
Replacements: 16 Lee Mears, 17 Tim Payne, 18 Louis Deacon, 19 Magnus Lund, 20 Nick Walshe, 21 Olly Barkley, 22 Stuart Abbott.
Referee: Steve Walsh (New Zealand)
Touch judges: Kelvin Deaker, Lyndon Bray (both New Zealand)
Television match official: Gary Wise (New Zealand)
Assessor: Sandy MacNeill (Australia)
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